You Can't Be Serious
by Takuma
Summary: Naruto's typical day in  Konohagakure: evading Sakura's pummels, constant rivalries with Sasuke, defying death under ANBU Captain Itachi's watch, and an arranged with the Hyuga heiress, Hinata. Yep, all in the days work.  Non-massacre AU. Naru/Hina
1. Challenge 1: This is My Way as a Ninja

Disclaimer: Naruto and characters associated to this manga are creations of Masashi Kishimoto. This story and other ideas not associated with Naruto are mine, unless otherwise disclaimed. This fanfiction is written for entertainment purposes only. :)

So I was inspired by "ohwhatsherface—_How to Put the Bun in the Oven_" and "elle6778" and her attempt at the 50 shinobi challenge. I'm not copying them. It just made me think along the lines of humor once more.

My character claim is Naruto.

This is a Non-massacre fanfic. :)

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_**You Can't Be Serious…**_

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**Challenge 1: "This is my way as a ninja."**

Naruto _ran_.

He ran as quickly as he could.

The Polaroid camera was thrown into a random bush by the road.

People shouted in protest as the blond ninja pushed his way through the crowd hoping to buy time to his unfortunate demise.

Huffing and puffing, Naruto paled as he heard the sound of chirping birds…

Oh… snap.

The young ninja gulped as he willed chakra to his feet and leaped to a rooftop. His attempt to reach the Hokage Tower was a far stretch goal… but there was no way he could fail this mission. No way in hell-

The sound of birds returned.

Naruto felt tears falling down the side of his face as he double-timed his leaps and dashes.

Like a flash, pure dread and fear flowed through his system. His face paled and his eyes widened.

"_Narut~ooooo!"_

Passing by a window that reflected images, as would pure, molten silver, he saw his long time friend, Uchiha Sasuke, tightly gripping his wrist as a blinding source of light crackled in the palm of his hand.

And he was only about five meters away…

For such desperate times as these, Naruto forced his legs to move faster… faster…_faster…_

He leaped over another rooftop.

The sound of bricks breaking and screeching electricity made the younger shinobi sweat.

"_You are going to DIE a SLOW and PAINFUL death, Uzumaki!" _threatened the teammate as he sped up behind the blond, his Sharingan blazing and spinning rapidly.

"Crap crap crap crap crap!" uttered Naruto as he dodged a bolt of electricity to his left, ducked low enough to see some of his wild blonde mane burn off, swerved to the right on the ledge of the building, and leaped into the air narrowly avoiding being castrated by the ever growing Chidori mass.

A loud explosion sounded just behind him on the roof he leaped from.

Naruto felt his heart heavily pounding in his chest. Just a few leaps away from the Hokage's office…

His feet landed on top a narrow ledge then up to the open window…

… and straight into a pile of paperwork on the all-to-familiar Hokage desk. The documents fluttered in the air causing an outcry of surprise from the leader of the village.

"NARUTO!"

Namikaze Minato paused as he looked down to his son sobbing at his feet under his nearly indestructible desk.

Oh boy…

"What is going on?" shouted the father as he rubbed his forehead. How on earth was he going to sort through this monstrosity of fluttering papers? He released a sigh.

With tears in his eyes, Naruto crawled from under the desk slipping two developed photos to the Hokage's inner coat pocket. "Swear to me you'll give those to Kakashi-sensei and Sai!"

There was a pause.

"SWEAR IT!"

Minato leaned back in his chair curious why his son was in such frenzy. He winced at his son's wide, frightened eyes.

"I swear it, but what does this have to do with anything?"

Naruto wiped away his tears as he stood before his father.

"This is my way as a ninja. Dad, I always looked up to you and-"

He felt the scruff of his black and orange jacket pulled back. He shrieked as his body slid across the paper-covered desk spilling signed and unsigned paperwork onto the already-messy floors. The blond began thrashing as soon as his rear fell to ground bruising his tailbone. He yelped in pain while desperately trying to grab the indestructible Hokage desk.

"_Say __**Good-bye**__ Uzumaki_," taunted Sasuke's dark voice, killer-intent radiating from every fiber of his being. His strong grip continued to drag his long-time teammate away from the safety of his father.

Forcing his body to become dead weight, Naruto began clawing at the waxed wooden floors, desperately trying to get away from the deadly Uchiha. "Tell mom I love her! And tell her I'm sorry for breaking grandma-ma's glass bowl!"

The door closed behind the two young adults.

There was silence in the room.

All the airborne paper flitted to the floor covering every inch of office.

He glanced to the right then to the left before rolling his eyes. "Well, this is going to be _fun_," muttered the Yondaime Hokage before reaching into his inner coat pocket. Grasping the photos, he brought them up to his vision.

He raised an eyebrow.

"Hatake!"

Two seconds later, said ANBU poofed into existence. His grey eyes showing the smile his mask hid. "You called?"

"For you upon request." He held the pictures up to the captain.

"Oh?" questioned the lazy ninja as he grasped the offered photographs.

Or in this case… the evidence.

"Before being dragged off by Uchiha Sasuke, _literally_, Naruto made me swear to give these to you."

Kakashi chuckled upon gazing at the pictures muttering something along the lines of "…he actually got the evidence…" The ANBU nodded his head before pocketing the pictures, "Thank you Hokage-sama. Your help in this attempt is truly appreciated."

Without another word, the blond turned away from the vanishing ninja.

His eyes wondered down to the paper on the ground. He really didn't want to pick it up right now. Instead, he decided to take a break; his mind wondered back to the pictures…

He frowned.

What was so important about the pictures of his son's friends, Uchiha Sasuke and Haruno Sakura, asleep and spooning on a futon?

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**Authors Note**: Please review! I do have 4 of 25 chapters already written and I'm working on the 5th chapter as I type this. I want to see comments, concerns, and maybe even someone suggesting to be my beta reader?:D? Any takers? I hate to do this, but I would like to see at least 5 reviews before I continue on. And I promise by at least chapter three that you may have died laughing. :)

So, please, give a comment or two about how this story is so far!

Thanks!


	2. Challenge 2: Deep Fried Vegetables

Disclaimer: Naruto and characters associated to this manga are creations of Masashi Kishimoto. This story and other ideas not associated with Naruto are mine, unless otherwise disclaimed. This fanfiction is written for entertainment purposes only. :)

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**Challenge 2: Deep Fried Vegetables**

**Okay… so maybe he overreacted a little when Sasuke dragged him out of his father's office.**

It wasn't everyday someone shoved a Chidori up his now sore as-

"I'm sure your two-week stay in the ICU taught you your lesson. You should know better than to provoke Sasuke and myself," sternly warned Sakura, her face still a shade of red from embarrassment.

"But you and teme-"

He saw her glare, a glowing fist ready to be hurled.

Naruto eyes widened in horror. "-teme-me-me-maybe you should get back to work! You are, a-after all, one of the best medics around!" nervously complimented Naruto. It was the only tactic he knew to keep himself _alive_. "Have you lost weight by the way?"

Sakura rolled her eyes glancing over the medical charts, "Idiot… stay in the room. You have one more day left in the hospital. Try and get some rest."

Tsunade's apprentice promptly left after putting Naruto's charts away.

It wasn't long before he heard another knock on the door. His eyes turned back to the door as the sweetest pair of pale eyes locked onto his.

A smile formed on the jinchuuriki's face. "Hinata! Welcome back!"

She gave him a smile as she closed the door. He noticed her carrying a small covered box. "I-I wanted to make sure that you were okay, N-Naruto."

The blond began to chuckle as he patted beside his hospital bed. "Yeah, well, I'll be released tomorrow. But I will kind of miss your visits…" his voice trailed off as he lightly scratched his cheek.

The young woman began blushing, the gentle smile still on her lips. Quickly she brought out the box, offering it to him. "I-I m-made this f-for you, N-Naruto-kun…"

"Oh boy!" he exclaimed receiving the box with gusto. Removing the lid, his senses were instantly attacked by the wonderful aroma of deep fried pork and vegetables under a steaming portion of noodles.

He felt like he was in dish was definitely up there with ramen, a close second place in his mind, but he appreciated it nonetheless.

Then a thought hit his mind.

His lips curled like that of a fox. Surely she wouldn't mind…

"Hinata-chan?"

Her cheeks blossomed red at his endearment.

"I feel my whole body going numb again from that Chidori attack…" his voice trailed off, trying to make a hint. His lips began a pout, "And I don't think I can pick up my chopsticks. Would you feed me?"

Meanwhile, outside the room stood a lone guard. The ANBU stationed outside of Naruto's room, listening in on the conversation via paper-thin walls, rolled his eyes behind his mask.

"Smooth Naruto, very smooth…"

Standing beside Naruto's bed, Hinata couldn't help but blush profoundly as she glanced down to her friend's fingers. She saw his hands limply resting on the white sheets.

Maybe she could—just this once.

Her fingers picked up the chopsticks, a fried vegetable soon brought to Naruto's lips. He opened his mouth accepting the food with a satisfied smile.

The young woman continued to feed him, until an idea struck her brilliant mind. He started the flirting first, right?

A small smile graced her lips as she picked up a piece of pork. She began to bring it to his already open mouth only to drop the pork in her mouth.

Two seconds passed. The blond opened his eyes and saw her savoring _his_ lunch. "Hey!" he protested.

She giggled picking up another piece, teasing the man who claimed to be 'numb'. She was proven wrong seconds later; carefully captured, Naruto slid her onto the bed into his strong arms. She squeaked, holding onto the food threatening to spill onto the clean sheets. "_Naruto_!" The piece held by the chopsticks fell to the ground.

He chuckled as he tightly held her, the chopsticks taken in his functional fingers. "You little tease!" he flirted picking up some food and holding it to her mouth. She hesitatingly accepted it, the blush still aware on her features.

The man gave his foxy grin as he continued sharing his dish with the gentle woman in his arms—completely unaware of a dark figure just outside his hospital window, snapping a picture from the previously discarded Polaroid camera.

His Sharingan eyes stared down at the picture, his lips curling into an evil smirk.

He was sure Hyuga Hiashi would _love_ to see what his daughter did in her spare time.


	3. Challenge 3: Tossing a Coin

Disclaimer: Naruto and characters associated to this manga are creations of Masashi Kishimoto. This story and other ideas not associated with Naruto are mine, unless otherwise disclaimed. This fanfiction is written for entertainment purposes only. :)

Note: The last quote of this chapter was inspired from the website f my life. I did not come up with it on my own.. sadly. So, yes, this is a disclaimer.

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**Challenge 3: Tossing a Coin**

Flipping a coin in his hand over and over again, Sasuke smirked at the frustrated Naruto. Not only did he get to shove a Chidori in Naruto's gluteus maximus, catch Naruto in a rather _compromising_ situation, produce evidence for said compromising situation, and show the evidence to the head of the Hyuga clan, he now had the chance to complete his revenge on the blond teammate.

"Your ON Teme! If you call heads, then I call tails!" proclaimed Naruto. "When you lose, you'll have to buy me ramen for every day of the year!"

"_When_?" questioned the Uchiha smoothly, his eyebrow rose, "Don't you mean '_if'?_"

Naruto grinned, "I won't lose! I never lose at this game!"

Never?

Catching the coin, Sasuke paused staring up at the jinchuuriki. "Let's say for some off chance that I do win. What will you do?"

"I told you! I never lose this game! But just for your sake, I'll do what _ever_ your little heart desires."

Sasuke smirked.

Foolish Naruto.

He flipped the coin, caught it, and slapped it on his palm. His lifted his head.

Naruto's grin dropped turning into one of horror.

"Never say never, Naruto," taunted the man with black hair, his eyes glinting in victory.

Of course he would never tell Naruto it was a two-headed coin…

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Naruto's face burned red as he neared the Hyuga manner, Sasuke in toe with a video camera attached to his hand.

Glaring daggers at his not-so-best friend anymore, the blond was escorted into the clan head's home by one of the branch members. The young girl bowed to the two visitors, "The heiress will be here shortly. Please sit and make yourself comfortable."

Walking into the decorated room, the two sat on bamboo mats waiting for the moment of truth.

Sasuke looked at the video camera before turning it on. He pointed it to Naruto. "Ready to tell her?"

Naruto's lip twitched, "I hate you."

The door slid open. Hinata carefully stepped into the room. She obviously just came in from training. Seconds later, Hyuga Hiashi and Neji followed behind.

The blond's face turned white as a sheet.

Sasuke smirk widened, "Well, this is going to be interesting."

Interesting indeed! Especially since he tipped the over protective father with _intriguing_ information about Naruto and his daughter.

"Uzumaki, Uchiha," announced the clan head, "What an honor it is to have two _esteemed_ men here." The father paused his 'welcoming' speech. Naruto's head lowered just a little bit as he hid his blue eyes. "What brings both of you to our humble manor?"

Sasuke placed the camera on Naruto once more. He was sweating bullets.

Perfect.

"M-may I have permission to speak with Hinata?" nervously asked Naruto, "Alone?"

The room instantly stilled. The cold eyes of Hiashi narrowed.

_Stupid Sasuke_, inwardly thought the jinchuuriki. Why did he have to squeal about his and Hinata's forming relationship?

"What ever you have to tell my daughter may be spoken with an audience present."

Naruto gulped. He glanced to Hinata then back to Sasuke.

The Uchiha smirked motioning for the son of the Hokage to continue.

It was now or never.

Saying 'Good-bye' to all things good, he leaned over to Hinata placing a hand on the lower part of her stomach.

She began to blush at the sudden contact but curious _why_ he lightly touched her flat abdomen.

Neji raised an eyebrow.

Hinata's father stared with cold eyes.

It was now or never.

"Good-bye world…" uttered Naruto softly before he looked intently into Hinata's eyes. "Hinata, I promise one day your womb will be plump with my seed."


	4. Challenge 4: Inner Demons

Disclaimer: Naruto and characters associated to this manga are creations of Masashi Kishimoto. This story and other ideas not associated with Naruto are mine, unless otherwise disclaimed. This fanfiction is written for entertainment purposes only.

Note: 1) This chapter does have mild cursing, hence the T rating.

2) I completely wrote this chapter over again because the last one had little to no humor. I kind of like the end result. :) Let me know what you think.

3) Also, thank those who have taken the time to write reviews! At least now I know my sense of humor hasn't completely wasted away.

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**Challenge 4: Inner Demons... attempt 2

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Itachi stood silently, his eyes intently watching over two teams of ANBU recruits as they shifted nervously in the small interrogation room. Most people couldn't handle his stare.

Especially when they stood in a dark, daunting space like this.

His lips curled into a smirk.

Good.

Now, time for some training…

"Haruno."

Sakura gulped. She stood straighter as the other ANBU visibly relaxed for a fraction of a second. She felt her nerves getting the best of her. She hated when Sasuke's older brother gave her that look… especially during all the times she visited the Uchiha manor.

His less than appropriate comments about her and Sasuke's relationship would always bring their faces to a bright red glow.

Who knew Uchiha Itachi had such a sadistic sense of humor?

And now he was her ANBU captain.

Just _wonderful_.

"You will be teamed with Uzumaki."

Her eyes widened just a fraction as Itachi glanced over to the end of the line. Still completely black and blue from the Gentle Fist technique, Naruto also straightened his posture waiting for the command.

Sakura mentally shook her head in pity. Sure, she was still embarrassed of that photo he took of her and Sasuke, but even she thought Sasuke's idea of revenge went a little too far. A week had passed from the dare Sasuke gave Naruto, and he was still pretty messed up—Kyuubi healing or not.

What was it with Uchiha's and their pride?

"Are you listening Haruno?"

Her eyes turned back to the black orbs of the captain. Her attention was brought back instantly. "Yes sir!"

"Good." He turned to all the ANBU recruits, "As I was saying, you will each practice an interrogation jutsu on each other. I will assign one of you to practice the technique while your teammate practices resisting information."

His feet stopped before Sakura again. She felt the tension return as he eyed her, "Haruno, you will be the interrogator for Uzumaki." Again, her eyes widened in surprise. "I understand you have experience with the Kyuubi and are an exceptional medic. This technique should be no problem for someone of your expertise."

Was that a compliment?

"Uzumaki, Haruno; if you'd please sit before of each other."

The nin's nodded their heads and followed as instructed.

"Now. Haruno. You may start the interrogation."

Her eyes instantly became determined as her fingers flashed through a series of hand symbols. Her fingers gripped both sides of Naruto's head.

She felt an unpleasant sensation as her mind instantly transferred into Naruto's mind… a dark damp dungeon. Her green eyes looked around before spotting her friend sitting in the dank, shallow waters.

Now to get some information…

Maybe if she went into the huge jail cell thing?

How high were those bars anyways? Were they to keep her out?

Or were they to keep something _in?_

She stepped closer to it about to find out the truth.

_SHANNARO!_

What… was that?

OOPH!

She hissed as she felt herself being dragged down to the murky waters. Now her hair was a mess!

Turning around, she noticed a figure about her size complete in black with white outlining. It stood on her triumphantly.

The figure raised an eyebrow.

What the hell…?

_What are you doing? _shouted the figure, _Are you trying to get us killed?_

Sakura blinked.

Maybe she didn't execute this jutsu correctly…

"S-Sakura?"

The female looked up. Naruto, now carefully squatting down before the medic nin, tilted his head as his blue eyes calculated the situation. Who was this obscure-looking Sakura before him?

"Who's this?" asked the blond.

He saw the figure becoming angry.

"Uh…"

_Who am I? WHO AM I? I'm Sakura! SHANNARO!_

Naruto stood, crossed his arms, and squinted as if examining the outline more carefully.

After two minutes, the jinchuuriki jabbed a finger into the black and white figure.

"No your not."

Sakura saw Naruto flying across the large room, his body smacking rather hard on the brick wall. She winced.

That had to hurt…

_Telling me I'm not Sakura… who does that idiot think he is? I'll kick his ass!_

Okay, so maybe she wasn't the most dignified in the world…

And then a provoking thought hit the medic nin.

This was _Inner_ Sakura.

Strange.

How was it possible for Inner Sakura to leave the safe depths of her own mind?

A chuckle was heard in the room, two piercing red eyes stared at the split personalities.

**What do we have here? Hmm? A kunoichi with a death wish?**

'Okay… now that's scary' thought Sakura eyeing the enormous beast.

It was HUGE!

And scary.

Did she mention scary?

_Death wish? DEATH WISH? I'll show you death wish, over grown hairball!_

**Hm? What do we have here? An animated children's drawing?**

Sakura saw the infuriated look on Inner Sakura's face. That wasn't good news.

"Hm…"

The kunoichi froze. She knew that voice _anywhere_. Her head lifted. She saw Itachi standing just beside her sprawled out form, his Sharingan eyes carefully assessing the situation.

What was _he_ doing here?

She glared at him carefully picking herself up from the shallow waters.

"This is interesting."

His red irises turned from the obscure figures to Naruto, who was out cold beside a brick wall, and over to Sakura adorning a glare of embarrassment.

"Very interesting," commented the ANBU captain.

"With all due respect," gritted Sakura through her teeth, "what are you doing here?"

His eyebrow lifted, "Merely assessing the situation." He turned back to the obscure Inner Sakura and the massive Kyuubi. "You may end the jutsu as soon as I leave."

A moment passed before Itachi turned from the quarreling figures over to his brother's girlfriend, a smirk gracing his lips. How she hated that smirk. "And make sure you go to the Yamanaka clan first thing tomorrow morning. I'm sure we'd love to learn more about your… _inner demon_."

Itachi flew across the room in the same manor as Naruto moments before. Standing in his place was a raving Inner Sakura, her first raised in the air with cracking energy, her mouth frothing.

_Who are YOU calling inner demon? Smartass! I'll wipe this floor CLEAN with you! SHANNARO!_

Oh boy…

"Why me?" Sakura quietly asked sighing.


	5. Challenge 5: Your Special Someone

Disclaimer: Naruto and characters associated to this manga are creations of Masashi Kishimoto. This story and other ideas not associated with Naruto are mine, unless otherwise disclaimed. This fanfiction is written for entertainment purposes only. :)

An-Jelly-Ca: I love you. Wanna virtual cookie? :D?

**Note:** If I can get 10 reviews, I'll update within the hour. No joke. :) You wanna test me on this? I dare ya!

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**Challenge 5: Your Precious Someone**

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Naruto gulped nervously.

Cold eyes were staring at the blond nin.

He was sweating bullets.

Oh! And there went Naruto's confidence!

Hyuga Hiashi remained still, his arms crossed, assessing the situation at hand as two steaming cups of tea were placed on the low table. After a long bout of silence, he reached his hand out to the cup. He brought the tea to his lips, drank silently, and set the cup back down.

The father tried to mentally calm his nerves.

It wouldn't be good if Naruto turned up dead after having visited the Hyuga manor. Sure his death would be just cause for all the humiliation he brought upon the clan and his foolish daughter.

…but the blond was the son of the Hokage.

Why couldn't he have fathered sons rather than daughers?

Just as the clan head tried calming himself, the jinchuuriki had other thoughts in mind.

Naruto mentally calculated how many escape routes he would be granted. His nerves were on edge, and he seriously believed he was the last person this father wanted to see _especially_ after the suggestive comment he gave Hinata a month prior.

Yep. He wouldn't simply receive internal injuries like last time.

Today would be his death day.

And it was in pursuit of his precious someone.

He sighed.

This sucked.

"Uzumaki Naruto," boomed the father's voice scaring the jinchuuriki senseless. His face became white as snow and his skin began sweating bullets.

'_I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die."_

"What brings you here today?"

The blond gulped doing his best to bring forth what little courage he might have lost. It was now or never. Already kneeling in place, he lowered the top half of his body to the ground.

Hiashi raised a surprised eyebrow.

Was this kid… bowing?

Oh this was rich!

But the clan head would never acknowledge his approval towards this act of humility.

"Please give me permission to date your daughter, Hinata!" Naruto begged keeping his head low.

There was silence.

"Now why would I want to do that?" questioned Hiashi, Naruto's head still lowered submissively. "Especially after you so _bluntly_ admitted wanting to have sex with her."

Naruto's face burned. Nonetheless, he remained in his position of submission.

"What do you have to say for yourself, Uzumaki Naruto?"

There was silence.

"I say this respectfully Hyuga-san. Your daughter is one of my precious someone's." Naruto felt his hands becoming clammy and his face flushing with sweat. Why couldn't this have been easier? …And with a nicer clan leader?

"I will protect her, sir. Even if it's to the death!"

The clan leader raised his other eyebrow, a bit surprised at the admission. Surely no one outside of his clan would sacrifice his or her lives for Hinata, and the powerful son of Namikaze Minato admitted to such a sacrifice.

Admirable.

Maybe he _could _give this kid a chance. He knew his daughter only eyes for him, regardless of clan traditions in the area of arranged marriages.

Maybe he could scare this kid off with some ridiculous clan tradition?

Yet…

Maybe this kid could be a benefit to the clan.

He was aspiring to be Hokage like his genius father.

Hiashi closed his eyes. "How do I know you won't go behind my back with my daughter?"

Naruto's eyes widened, head still lowered. Okay… so maybe the father heard about Hinata and his meetings… Surely he wouldn't be angry for when they met up to eat ramen, right? Those occasions were innocent enough, weren't they?

"Well? How do I know I can trust you? She will be someone's wife one day, and that man will expect her to be _pure._"

The young man gulped, his face still a bright red. And the suggestion that she could be another man's wife placed an unsettling feeling in his gut. Hinata had only been kind to him. She was sweet, sincere, shy, yet determined to protect those she loved…

"I'll do what ever you ask," uttered Naruto softly.

Hiashi almost dropped his cup of tea.

"What was that, Uzumaki-san?"

Did his ears deceive him?

"I'll do what ever you ask!" he exclaimed raising his head. "What is it that you want me to do so I will have your permission to date Hinata?"

The clan head held back a smirk. Now that was more like the son of the Yondaime Hokage.

Maybe he should challenge Naruto to uphold one of the Hyuga clan's most practiced traditions?

That could make or break this pesky "infatuation" the boy had for his eldest daughter.

"Do you know what you're asking?"

Would Namikaze's kid take the bait?

"I promise I'll do what ever you ask so I can have a chance with your daughter!"

Hook, line, and sinker!

This made the clan head smirk.

A chance Uzumaki would have indeed!

"There is only one way for you to be with my daughter—"

Naruto's blue eyes widened in surprise and excite.

"—but it's in accordance to the rules of our clan."

"I'll do it!" exclaimed Naruto, a new hope in his eyes.

"Will you? You don't even know what I'm going to ask."

Maybe this kid _would_ be a good addition to the clan, regardless of all the scandal and his loud mouth.

The jinchuuriki nodded, "Your offer gives me a chance to be with Hinata. That's all I need!"

"It's settled then," confirmed Hyuga Hiashi, already sensing strong children coming from the jinchuuriki and his daughter. "At the end of the month you will wed my daughter."

A pin drop could have been heard in the room.

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Remember... I'll update within the hour if I receive 10 reviews. :)


	6. Challenge 28: Blood Limit

Disclaimer: Naruto and characters associated to this manga are creations of Masashi Kishimoto. This story and other ideas not associated with Naruto are mine, unless otherwise disclaimed. This fanfiction is written for entertainment purposes only. :)

This chapter is dedicated to Amaya Sakaruta, Mike the2, TheBlueFoxtrot A Samba, and lil shan because they are THAT awesome. :) Thanks for the reviews!

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**Challenge 28: Blood Limit**

Namikaze Minato, the Yondaime Hokage, the Yellow Flash, a super genius, was absolutely stupefied as his son sat in between him and his dumbfounded wife, Kushina. Her vibrant green eyes were wide with surprise- her jaw slack from the shocking news. Their son, Naruto, sat silently trying not to slouch as he normally did under such suffocating embarrassment. His face, brighter than a tomato, gave insight to what was on his racing mind.

His attention shifted to the pale eyes of the Hyuga's.

The clan head, Hyuga Hiashi, remained stoic as he properly sat on the plush couch. His daughter Hinata remained silent beside her father, her face just as red as Naruto's, while twiddling her thumbs. It was an old habit Naruto thought she got over years prior.

Apparently not.

And no doubt she was scared to death.

He also sensed four hiding ANBU operatives spread throughout the room, assessing the situation and ready to protect their leader and family at any given time.

The Hokage finally acknowledged the clan head. His face was grim.

"My son agreed to your terms, Hyuga-san?"

The clan head did not hesitate. "Yes. He agreed to what ever terms I gave him so he could be with my daughter."

"I see," uttered the blond.

It was no secret that his son made a _TOTALLY _inappropriate comment to the heiress, albeit on the base of a lost bet, but a lewd comment nonetheless.

He understood why Hiashi would take such measures to make sure the Hyuga clan wouldn't be made a laughing stock… again.

He resisted the urge to rub his temples.

'Naruto… what have you gotten yourself into _this_ time?' he internally questioned. Surely his son would have learned a lesson for his impulsive nature.

The jinchuuriki said nothing- his face determined.

The Hokage nodded.

Well, at least his son wasn't going back on his word; most would. This test showed his character, and that may have been the reason the Hyuga leader offered his daughter's hand to Naruto.

That or he saw the potential of strong Hyuga heirs.

…and add in the fact that Naruto was the son of the Hokage.

…oh, and that he was the Kyuubi's jailor, Konohagakure's jinchuuriki.

What a mess…

Might as well make lemonade out of lemons.

Minato smiled brightly as he leaned back in the comfortable couch. His arm draped casually over the back edge of the seat, his fingers lightly touching his wife's red hair. "If the wedding is going to be at the end of this month, I'm sure there are many matters which need to be discussed."

Hiashi's stoic features softened just a little. Just a little.

The tension in the air finally cleared.

It was replaced by squeals of excitement.

"OH! My son is getting married!" exclaimed Kushina excitedly as she hugged her son. One could have sworn bones were heard snapping. "And it's about time too!"

Naruto's face blossomed into a deeper shade of red; he _tolerated_ her tight hugs. Knowing that he received his big mouth from his mother, he earnestly hoped that she would stop talking… before something embarrassing slipped from her lips.

Like talking about embarrassing stories from when he was a child.

"We need to start planning for the wedding!" she determined with a nod, "We should have a western style wedding! Hinata, I'll make sure to help you find the perfect dress! And the cake! White or chocolate? I don't know what your favorite is, Hinata, but I know it won't matter to Naruto because he'll eat what ever—honey?" She turned to the Hokage, "Does a Ramen-flavored cake exist?"

Naruto's face shifted from embarrassment to horror. Sure, he enjoyed cakes and ramen… but together?

Suddenly he started feeling a little ill…

"I don't think they do Kushina," commented Minato, a little confused with her ongoing rant about wedding preparations. He lost her at 'western style wedding'.

"Well…" commented Kushina with a wide grin, a determined gleam in her eye, "I'll just have to make one!"

"Mom, you really don't have to do that," commented Naruto with a pale face. _Really_.

She laughed, "Nonsense! I'm sure you'll love it!"

Did _worst_ cook in Konohagakure ring a bell in her head?

Apparently not.

Kushina stood up and grasped Hinata's pale hand, a wide smile on the lips of the older woman, "Come on, Hinata. I'm sure the men would love to have a chat. In the mean time, we can have a 'girl talk'."

Naruto wanted to groan as he saw his mother wink.

"I know! Let me show you his baby pictures! He was so adorable as an infant—"

His eyes widened in horror.

Oh no… he _really_ should have burned those despicable photos!

_'Forgive me Hinata_!' his mind whispered.

And the women were gone.

The room silenced again. The tension returned. The Hyuga turned to Naruto. The blond felt a surge of fear course through his veins.

That look surely did not register in Naruto's mind as something good.

"How old are you Naruto?"

"T-twenty, sir."

The young man noticed Hyuga's approval.

"How do you plan to support my daughter?"

Naruto looked at him square in the eyes, "We should live comfortably with my income as an ANBU Operative."

"And for the future?"

"I have enough saved to live on for at least five years."

"Which surname will Hinata inherit?"

Naruto blinked. "Namikaze, I guess."

"Not Uzumaki?"

The young man shook his head side to side. "My birth certificate says my surname is Namikaze. I use Uzumaki, my mother's maiden name, while on duty as an ANBU operative for safety reasons."

The Hyuga nodded.

Minato watched his son carefully as he gave these answers. He couldn't believe Naruto was actually going through this! Married at such an age too… sure some in the shinobi profession married young. You never knew when you'd be _killed_ on a mission.

But this was his son, Naruto. He wasn't supposed to be thinking about things like this! …was he?

"And what about children?"

Naruto's eyes bugged out.

"You were so blatant to make my daughter's 'womb plump with your seed'," Hiashi casually replied.

Minato burst into laughter.

The pale-eyed man smirked at the younger's embarrassment.

"Excuse me for saying this Hyuga-san, but that quote gets funnier each time I hear it!" exclaimed the Hokage patting his embarrassed son on the back.

Naruto's soon-to-be father-in-law shrugged; a maid soon handed the Hyuga leader a cup of tea. "It's a given that she one day will have children. She was once expected to produce heirs for the clan." He picked up the tea, smelled it, took a sip, and carefully placed it on a lap stand. "However, Uzumaki-san, this is your warning. If you make her cry…"

Naruto almost gasped as Hiashi activated his Byakugan, tightly grabbed the scruff of the jinchuuriki's shirt, and brought the blond close to his face.

The ANBU in the room quickly appeared in the room abandoning their previous hiding spots.

"…I will make you cry."

Naruto almost had a mini heart attack.

Releasing the young man, his face lightened up and blood limit dismissed. He brought the tea to his lips once more turning to the young blond.

The Hokage sat there stunned.

Should he press charges against this man for threatening his son?

His blue eyes peered over Naruto. All the blood drained from the young man's face. The boy obviously got the warning.

Minato chucked as the same maid also presented him a cup of hot tea. Accepting the tea, the Yondaime knew he would be the same predicament if he had a daughter. Thank God he only had a son.

"Do tell us," smirked Hiashi before bringing the teacup to his lips, "How _many_ children do you plan on having with my daughter?"

The Yondaime almost choked on his tea.

Naruto felt his face heat up again.

What was it with the baby question? Seriously!


	7. Challenge 7: Shrimp

Disclaimer: Naruto and characters associated to this manga are creations of Masashi Kishimoto. This story and other ideas not associated with Naruto are mine, unless otherwise disclaimed. This fanfiction is written for entertainment purposes only.

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**Challenge 7: Shrimp**

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"House Specialty of the Day! Shrimp Ramen order up!" exclaimed Teuchi. Placing a large white bowl on the wooden table, the cook smiled. When handed cash for the soup, the man lifted his free hand to stop him. "This bowl is on the house. "

Free ramen?

Heck yeah! Anyone would become excited over a complimentary bowl of ramen from Ichiraku's!

"Congratulations Naruto. Enjoy!"

The young man gave a forced grin as the cook turned around to the back of his kitchen.

The blond merely sat there, his steaming bowl of ramen sitting untouched- and becoming colder by the minute.

This did not go unnoticed by four pair of eyes.

"Oh my… I never thought I'd see the say."

"What do we do?"

"Hmph."

"Who knew Dickless could get a wife."

Naruto spun around, his tightened fist punching the last person who spoke. Silence filled the ramen stand as the ex-ANBU Root Operative flew full force out of the restaurant. Even while being 'forcefully evicted', Sai's face remained unemotional—disregarding a forming black eye of course.

Turning slightly to the left, Naruto saw the shock and awe on all of his teammates' faces. Kakashi's was most prominent as his eyebrows raised in surprised. "Oi, Naruto. We didn't realize you'd become so defensive over your pending relationship with Hinata."

Giving each of them a stern stare, the jinchuuriki sighed. He slowly sat down and turned back to his ramen.

Never before had they seen the blond so… lethargic.

What happened?

Sitting beside Naruto, the rest of Team Kakashi sat on the stools of the restaurant. Naruto's dejection was not missed by Teuchi as he received four orders of the House Special.

"Are you alright Naruto?" asked Sakura, sitting to the left of her teammate. She picked up a pair of chopsticks, snapped them in half, and began poking her friend's shoulder with them. "Please don't make me refer to that interrogation technique Itachi-san taught us almost a month ago."

Naruto sighed as he also reached for a pair of chopsticks. His ramen was still piping hot. His blue eyes remained on the soup.

Sakura paused glancing to Sasuke and Kakashi. She shrugged her shoulders before Sasuke rolled his eyes. The Uchiha, sitting on Uzumaki's right, immediately stood up and looked outside the covered ramen stand. It was a minute later everyone on the team heard an over-exaggerated gasp. "E~veryone!" he dragged out, his sarcasm thickly filling the air, "Is that _Hinata_ I see?"

Sakura and Kakashi sunk in their chairs trying to hide obvious embarrassment. Why the hell was Sasuke doing that?

It obviously wouldn't work—

"WHERE?" shouted the jinchuuriki immediately standing up and running to Sasuke's side. His head frantically looked around the crowded village street.

Then again, maybe it did.

Sasuke grabbed his comrade's shoulder and dragged him back into the ramen stand only to shove him back on his small, wooden seat. "Question answered," he blandly stated grabbing a pair of chopsticks as well.

"Did something happen between you and Hinata-san?" questioned Kakashi as he too reached for a set of chopsticks.

Naruto shook his head, "No."

"Then why so down?" their former instructor questioned.

It was followed by a long pause. "Her father said she couldn't spend time with me today…"

"Aww, that's so cute!"

Sakura reached her arm out embracing him with a side hug. "I'm sure you'll get to see her soon!" Still, his face was long with a hint of sadness. The medic nin decided to take a different approach with the conversation. Hopefully it would take him out of this slump.

"I couldn't think of anyone better for you Naruto," encouraged Sakura with a smile.

The blond looked up, his eyes curious. "Sakura-chan?"

"I think it's sweet. You're going through all this to protect Hinata! So romantic!"

Pausing for a minute, he looked down to his soup in thought. "Is it really?"

"It's not easy standing up to the father of the opposite sex," stated Kakashi, who sat beside Sasuke. "Do you agree Sai?"

The nin remained silent, albeit one eye swollen shut. He started realizing there were times he needed to keep his lips zipped.

Naruto blinked, his mind thinking about their words.

His confidence began to return. "Really? Because my father kept giving me this look that said he was going to murder me for marrying someone so young!"

Kakashi looked up to the ceiling, "Ah, such a Minato-sensei thing to do…"

Naruto sighed, "Proves that I can't ask him questions about this whole arranged marriage. All I wanted was to have a chance to get to know Hinata!"

"You sure got it," muttered Sasuke as another bowl of Shrimp Ramen was delivered to the table.

"Well, if you need advice, I'm sure we could give it to you," suggested Kakashi with a grin, his eyes closing pleasantly. "Sakura _is _a girl, and I'm sure Sasuke could give you information about how arranged marriages work via his clan, and Sai… well… yeah."

Naruto's eyes instantly widened, his lips curling into a smile. "Really? That's great! 'Cause I have a feeling I would mess this whole engagement-marriage thing up. I can't let Hinata's father down!"

"That's the spirit," encouraged Kakashi as the last bowl of ramen was placed before him.

"Enjoy everyone!" exclaimed Teuchi.

"Itadakimasu!" they all exclaimed before digging in.

As they ate, Sai used his chopsticks to pick up a red shrimp. About to take off the head and shell, he noticed little ball-looking things amongst the shrimps' feet. And Sai, being Sai, decided to say something to break the silence. "Looks like this shrimp had some eggs."

All but Sasuke paused to listen in on his comment. "What was that?" asked Naruto, his mouth full of noodles.

Sai held up the shrimp for further inspection. "I am observing how this shrimp has eggs close to its feet at the bottom of the shell."

Searching in his or her bowl, the team began fishing around at the shrimp, no pun intended. After swallowing the noodles, it was Naruto who picked up a similar cooked shrimp. His eyes widened in wonder "Hey, I found one too!" He examined it closer. "Funny how I never noticed this before…"

Sakura stared at it too, her green eyes examining the seafood. "Huh. Assuming it's not dirt, those little balls must be eggs."

"Aww, poor shrimp babies," commented Naruto before using his teeth to pick out the shrimp meat from the shell.

No one noticed the mischief in their former teacher's eyes.

"Speaking of babies…or more specifically _how_ babies are made," smoothly uttered Kakashi as he pulled out his ever famous Icha Icha Paradise book, "I'm sure you would want to borrow this."

Naruto forced himself not to choke. Sakura "patted" the blond on the back dislodging the food.

He drank some of the broth and sighed. Suddenly he leaped up on the table and pointed accusingly at Kakashi, "Like HELL I'm going to read that trash!"

The white haired ANBU faked a sniffle, "That hurt. It's not trash; it's merely adult literature—"

"T-r-a-sh!" countered Naruto sitting back down with a glare in his eye. "I don't _even_ want to get my mind in the gutter Kakashi! I told you I didn't want to mess up this marriage!"

Again, the book was shoved into the jinchuuriki's face, "And that's what I'm telling you. Not only is this book about relationships, it also covers more _intimate_ topics." Naruto's face blossomed red, his body turning away from his former teacher. "Come on Naruto. It will give you some ideas on how to… _please_ your future wife."

Some civilians walking past Ichiraku shrieked as the Copy-Nin's body flew through the air and crashed into a wooden fence, splintering the gate.

Following seconds later was the much read Icha Icha Paradise book; it was carelessly tossed out of the ramen stand and over Kakashi's black and blue face.


	8. Challenge 14: Hairclip

Disclaimer: Naruto and characters associated to this manga are creations of Masashi Kishimoto. This story and other ideas not associated with Naruto are mine, unless otherwise disclaimed. This fanfiction is written for entertainment purposes only.

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**Challenge 14: Hairclip (day 20)**

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Looking down at the glass cases, Naruto's bright blue eyes carefully peered over the many sparkly hair accessories.

Although Naruto might not be many things, observant was one of his key qualities-oblivious to subtle things but observant to straight-up facts. One thing he observed in the short time of his relationship with Hinata began was how women loved to wear pretty things in their hair. He also noticed his mother was no exception to this theory.

So because Hinata was of the female population, she must love to wear things in her hair!

Right?

"Now, if only I could find the right one…" he muttered to himself.

"I know you're letting your hair grow out, but putting a girly clip in it? Are you sure there's something your not telling me?"

Jumping with a small squawk, the jinchuuriki spun around facing the one and only smirking Uchiha Sasuke.

"Teme! Why the hell are _you_ here?" shouted Naruto crossing his arms defensively.

Sasuke's eye twitched before shoving his hands in his pockets. "I was about to ask you the same thing."

Naruto scoffed before returning to the case. "I want to get Hinata a gift—" He heard a chuckle before spinning back to the Uchiha grabbing the scruff of his shirt. Naruto felt a kunai shoved at his throat.

"Let go," threatened Sasuke.

"Keep making those comments, Uchiha. I'm sure my Rasengan will enjoy traveling through your body and out your a-!"

"Sirs! Please calm down!" exclaimed the storekeeper, "There are _children_ in this store!"

Pausing, the two off-duty ANBU operatives turned their heads to the right observing four little girls (with their mommies, mind you). All stared with wide frightened eyes. A few of them were clinging to their mother's clothes.

They were civilians.

_And_ they could easily report the two shinobi to the Hokage for disturbing the peace.

Both broke away from each other instantly apologizing to the women and children for such an act, but the men carefully avoided each other as they turned back to the merchandise, their nerves still grated.

Still, Naruto could sense the prideful Uchiha wanting to scoff at Naruto's display of affection.

The blond gritted his teeth. "Give it a break Teme! I'm trying to be a good fiancé for Hinata." There were a few more moments of silence. "Which one should I get?"

"It doesn't matter. Just pick one. I'm sure she'd appreciate anything you give her."

"But that's the thing! I don't want her to just wear it because I gave it to her…"

"Who's been telling you all this crap?" questioned Sasuke raising an eyebrow, "Sounds like you've turned into a girl yourself."

Naruto's face darkened, his eyes averting from the Uchiha's gaze. He uttered something soft.

"What was that? I'm sure nothing in a one centimeter radius could hear your answer—"

"I said my mother told me!"

There was silence.

In a huff, Naruto looked down at the clips again. His agitation was getting the best of him. Maybe he _should_ listen to Kakashi and actually ignore the arrogant a-hole.

"She suggested you to get Hinata a hair clip?"

"No…" finally replied Naruto after a long while, "She suggested I find Hinata a gift that was 'from the heart'."

Sasuke glanced down to the sparkly clips, "And why a hairclip?"

"Because I see most women wear one, even if it's just for parties and stuff like that."

There was silence for a long while as Naruto continued searching— a not so obvious Sasuke was doing the same.

About to give up his search of looking through the many, MANY types of hairclips, one specifically caught the blond's eye. He pointed down to it.

"That one."

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Walking down the street, Hinata held onto Naruto's hand tightly. Her eyes were sparking with admiration while adorning her sparkly, purple, butterfly hairclip in public. Naruto grinned excitedly as he led her through the village. He was so glad Hinata liked her gift—

"Yo! Naruto!"

Turning around, the two nins watched as Sakura and Sasuke approached the young engaged couple, the medic nin waving cheerfully to the two.

"Fancy meeting you here! " she laughed. "Oh Hinata! I wanted to give you my congratulations!" And she continued to rattle off her mouth to the soon-to-be Namikaze… or in this case, Uzumaki.

From the corner of his eye, Naruto observed Sakura also wearing a sparkly hairclip. It imitated pink, sakura flowers.

Smirking smugly, Naruto nudged the Uchiha. "Eh, Teme looks like took my ad—"

"_Shut up_."

"Does that mean I—"

"_Not. Another. Word."_

Naruto's foxy grin returned with a vengeance.


	9. Challenge 8: Hokage

Disclaimer: Naruto and characters associated to this manga are creations of Masashi Kishimoto. This story and other ideas not associated with Naruto are mine, unless otherwise disclaimed. This fanfiction is written for entertainment purposes only.

Note: So I was tempted to put forth another challenge for you, the reader, to review for the story. The reward would be another chapter posted the same day. Because school started and life happened, I'm a little hesitant to put forth the challenge. Yeah, I have the next chapter already complete and ready for reading, but I'm still in the midst of writing the following chapter... which still needs to be proof-read at least twice. I usually do the proof-reading on the day _after_ I write the story.

How about this? The review count goes up to 45 TOTAL, and I'll update the next chapter before the day is over. I live in the Central Time Zone, so you do the math- where ever in the world you live. :)

Sound good?

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**Challenge 8: Hokage (day 17)**

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Aside from all the excitement this past week generated for the young shinobi, it was still unnerving when his father called him to the Hokage Office for some 'business'. He had a sliver of a hint why his father would call him unexpectedly to his office during the daytime. Hopefully he would come out of this alive.

He was crossing his fingers for luck.

He knocked on the door to the Hokage's office and waited to be called on.

"Come in Naruto."

He gulped.

So his dad wouldn't be wasting any time, eh? This meeting must be serious then.

Closing the door behind, Naruto approached the desk with never ending piles of paper—paper that he had one day "pushed" off the desk with his flying, projectile-like body making one hell of a clean-up job for the office assistants and secretaries.

That was the day everything seemed to go downhill.

Or maybe uphill? Naruto _finally_ received permission from Hyuga to be with his daughter—it just so happened to be a more _permanent_ relationship.

"Please sit down," ordered the Yondaime's voice.

Naruto sat down desperately trying to calm his jitters.

After a series of hand seals and a faint glow of blue, Minato sighed leaning forward in his desk chair, his blue eyes calculating.

Naruto hated it when his father did this.

"Son, I have sealed the room from any eavesdroppers. You may say anything you want, and it will not leave this room."

Naruto didn't move an inch, but his own eyes betrayed the curiosity in his mind.

Folding his hands on the desk, the Hokage smiled, "Now, we only have a little time for a father-son talk about this arranged-marriage you agreed too."

Were Naruto's ears deceiving him?

"I can tell you have many questions about this large step in life. Your mother and I apologize for not ever speaking to you about marriage."

'We'd never thought we'd see the day…' his mind continued.

Which in a sense was true considering his rash behavior on the battlefield and with the female population… no thanks to Jiraiya, the super pervert, and Kakashi, via Icha Icha—the super pervert's creation.

"Please ask any questions you have Naruto," nodded the father to his son, "I want to make sure you at least have some understanding of what will be happening in 17 days—that's a little under three weeks. No question is stupid; I promise I will not judge you."

Really?

With squinted eyes, Naruto carefully evaluated the words his father stated. He had always been a bit nervous to approach his father on certain topics… like girls. Sure, his dad was very smart and all, but he would always casually blab this information to his mom.

And that was a big no-no. Especially with her social-butterfly tendencies.

"You promise not to speak to mom about this conversation?" questioned Naruto, his mind still suspicious of his father.

"My lips are sealed."

Naruto grinned.

"Then answer this," commented Naruto with annoyance, "why does everyone keep on bringing up the subject of _babies_ when they talk to me about this marriage thing?"

Minato desperately refrained from raising an eyebrow. "Well, having a baby could be a big thing in marriage," replied the father. He received a blank stare from his son, "You know as well as I do that in a shinobi village many ninja die on missions. Correct?"

Naruto nodded his head. "Well, to replace the older generation of shinobi or those who died on the field, couples need to have children so there will be people to continue their legacy—"

"Like the Uchiha clan?"

Minato nodded, "Yes, but you know that the Uchiha's are very selective on who comes into the clan through marriage."

Naruto scoffed, "No joke about that."

The Hokage was finally smiling. Maybe this whole talk wasn't such a bad idea—

"But that still doesn't answer my question why people keep talking to me about 'making' babies."

Spoke too soon…

Minato bit back a degrading comment. "Well, Naruto, if you and Hinata _do_ have children, they will be very strong and powerful."

"O-okay."

"And your children may be great ninja one day. They may be born with the Byakugan and or could have your exceptional fighting skills! There are great things expected from both you and Hinata."

As the older watched his son's face change from confusion to understanding, the Yondaime mentally thanked God. Looks like this subject of 'making babies' didn't need to be dragged out.

Naruto nodded. "Now I see why it's so important…"

Minato smiled. What a relief…

"We'll make sure to make _twenty_ children!"

Minato fell over in his chair.


	10. Challenge 24: Icha Icha Paradise

Disclaimer: Naruto and characters associated to this manga are creations of Masashi Kishimoto. This story and other ideas not associated with Naruto are mine, unless otherwise disclaimed. This fanfiction is written for entertainment purposes only.

Thank you all for the awesome reviews! This chapter... although short, is dedicated to you awesome people. :)

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**Challenge 24: Icha Icha Paradise (day 15)**

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Dear… God.

NO!

Naruto desperately leaped over a clay rooftop landing on another a moment later. His feet soundlessly landed on the surface as he continued dashing for his dear life.

God, please, please_, please_, _please, PLEASE_ make him go away!

"N~aruto!" sang a deep voice from the ANBU's left side.

"GO AWAY!" shouted the blond as he continued his mad dash to someplace safe…

And the only place he could think of was Tsunade's office in the hospital.

Surely, _she_ could save him from this—OOPH!

His body fell from a three-storey roof as if in slow motion. His body turned, and he saw a mane of white hair.

With the wind knocked out of his lungs, his back slamming into the dirt ground, the jinchuuriki inhaled deeply before coughing in spasms. And then he had the wind knocked out of him, AGAIN, as a big butt rested on his stomach… not the most glorious way for someone to land on him, especially when that butt belonged to the one and only super pervert of Konohagakure.

"E-ero…sennin," hissed Naruto desperately trying to push the aged ninja from his air-deprived body. "S-suff-focation!" he gasped out.

"Eh?" He looked down. His mouth widened into a huge grin.

"Hey Naruto!" his bulky fingers gripped the skin on his Godson's cheek. "You thought I wouldn't hear about the news, did ja?"

"W-wishful think-ing," muttered Naruto gasping for breath, "_G-get off of ME!"_

The older man smirked, his hand ruffling the blond's hair, "Wouldn't want you running off again, now would I?"

"_Can't… breathe…"_

Sitting there, Jiraiya released a contented sigh and casually rested his arms over his bent knees. "Such a beautiful day, ain't it Naruto?"

"…"

"The sun is shining so brightly, the birds are singing, Tsunade hasn't pummeled me to kingdom come." He deeply breathed in the crisp cool air as a breeze passed by. "Yep! This is the life! Especially for you—a perfect time for you to be getting married and make lots of love to your special someone." He paused trying to think of a way to _tactfully_ present his request. "By the way…"

Looking down to the almost blue Naruto, his grin shifted into one of the looks he gave at the hot springs when spying on bathing women, "Since you're getting hitched and stuff… could you, you know, give me _ideas_ for my next Icha Icha Paradise book? I swear I won't put you or the Hyuga's girl name in it… but I would _appreciate_ to hear the stories of how you two made sweet, sweet love after—"

**POW!**

Jiraiya's body shattered a rock wall to pieces. His body continued to fly through the air and into the south ANBU watchtower.

Naruto stomped away furiously.

One would only question in their mind why his punches imitated the power of the feared sannin, Tsunade, and her brilliant apprentice, Sakura.


	11. Challenge 39: Silk Kimono

_Disclaimer: Naruto and characters associated to this manga are creations of Masashi Kishimoto. This story and other ideas not associated with Naruto are mine, unless otherwise disclaimed. This fanfiction is written for entertainment purposes only._

Thank you all for the awesome reviews!

**Note**: I wanted to start off by apologizing for not updating this chapter last Monday. I thought I would have more spare time, but apparently I didn't. School is up and running, AND I just picked up a job. :) I'm not sure how frequent the updates will be as of now, but if you're wanting quicker updates, please give me feed back in reviews. Encouragement makes me eager to update stories sooner.

**Note 2**_: _I will be doing a small competition. If you have an idea and are _dying_ to see it put into this fanfic as a chapter, let me know in a review. It just may be one of the up coming chapters in _You Can't Be Serious_.

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**Challenge 39: Silk Kimono (day 12)**

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Naruto trudged his feet on the ground kicking a pebble halfway down the street. His shoulders sunk, and his eyes remained downcast.

Why was it so difficult now to see Hinata?

Wasn't this supposed to be the most critical of time for their forming relationship? Like what her favorite bowl of ramen was, or what her favorite ninjustu was? Heck, he even wanted to know what kind of an apartment she wanted to live in! They would be moving in together in less than two weeks.

Yeah, yeah, someone might question why the newly engaged couple was looking for an apartment rather than a luxurious home (like the Hokage or Hyuga manors), but he remembered her saying that she always wondered what it would be like to live as a normal civilian.

But _no~o_.

He _could_n't spend time with her. That's what the Hyuga clan head. She had to 'prepare herself to become a submissive and serving wife'.

Tch.

What a joke.

He just wanted to spend some time with her!

Maybe… maybe…

'Maybe I could make a clone that looks like her so we can sneak off to get some ramen!'

His blue eyes widened with excite- his posture straightening. "That's what I'll do!" he exclaimed. However, first, he needed to find her!

And he dashed down the street—

- only to find Hinata five seconds later in a wedding boutique.

She wasn't _just_ in a wedding boutique, women were swarming around her like flies on a carcass as she stood in the middle of the room wearing something that made Naruto think of a giant steamed bun.

Mmmm. Food.

He ducked when a woman turned in his direction to grab some ribbon. He surely didn't want to be caught watching as Hinata stood there, her face brighter than a boiled lobster.

She also looked very uncomfortable.

Deciding to get a better understanding of the situation, Naruto used all of his crucial ANBU skills and knowledge to sneak into the store—in other words, transforming into a female.

It had been a while since he used his disguise of the cute blonde, of course with modern day clothes on. There was no way his guise would walk into the store naked.

A few of the store employees turned to the new face. "Welcome to Bridezillarama, the megastore for all wedding things! We will be with you shortly!"

Bridezillarama?

Seriously?

It sounded like a place his mother would go to.

"NO! The ribbon needs to be THERE! See?"

Speaking of the devil-

His mother's loud voice soon dominated over all the store employees.

It must have been his mother who dragged Hinata to this store.

He walked towards the large group with feigned innocence of a young soon-to-be bride. Sure, his eyes caught many different dresses and robes, but he pretended to be an interested customer—only so he could get close to his precious someone.

His blue eyes peered at the nervous female.

"Namikaze-san… I think this dress is a little too much for me," softly commented the young girl.

"Don't worry about the cost of it dear!" smiled the excited woman with red hair—Hinata's future mother-in-law, "We can definitely pay for it if you love it that much!"

Naruto saw her nip at her lip as she turned around to face all the women.

"Namikaze-san, it's not an issue of cost… it's just…"

Her voice trailed off as her pale eyes saw the blonde woman…

Or rather the blonde disguise.

She knew that disguise anywhere.

Naruto brought a finger to his lips as her face became even brighter. Hinata instantly turned back to Kushina, "M-maybe I should t-try on other d-dresses."

"But this one's lovely on you!" exclaimed the Hokage's wife. "And it accentuates your curves so nicely!"

"P-please Namikaze-san. This way I k-know this is the right d-dress for the wedding."

Naruto's mother sighed long and deep; she sat down on one of the plush chairs and waved her hand. "I suppose your right," she stated sounding a little disappointed.

With a bow, Hinata quickly dashed back to the dressing rooms.

Kushing sighed rubbing her brow, "Honestly… why won't she choose a dress that looks so flattering on her?"

"She obviously doesn't like it."

Kushina frowned turning her head to the left. He saw the smiling blonde woman with long, long pigtails. Hadn't see seen this woman somewhere before…?

"Eh? What do you know?" huffed the mother, brushing off the 'commoner' and turning back to face the dressing rooms.

Naruto felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned around, careful to moderate his speed as to that of a normal civilian. He graced the sales lady with the brightest smile his henge could manage.

"Again welcome to Bridezillarama. My name is Robato Ichi, and you are?" asked lady one.

"I'm Uz-U-Uto Maki!"

He almost uttered 'Uzumaki Naruto', but that wouldn't have gone over well, especially with his mother in their presence.

He saw the woman curl her brow before Naruto released a giggle, "Maki is a nickname I received a _long_ time ago."

_Please believe the lie! Please, please, please!_

Again, he gave an adorable smile, "I'm just looking around. My wedding is going to be in twelve… twelve weeks! Yeah! And, uh, I thought I might find a dress here, after all I've been to so many stores to find what I need."

"Oh! Well, you came to the right place Uto-san. Follow me; we have a wide selection of gowns and traditional robes to suit any and every kind of wedding! " Following the woman, Naruto kept his eye out for his own soon-to-be bride.

She walked out of the dressing room clothed in a simple white dress. Her shoulders were bare—except for the blatant light pink bra straps.

"Uto-san, are you interested in the dress Hyuga-san is trying on?"

Naruto nodded his head, "She doesn't look comfortable in the dress."

"Unfortunately, many of the dresses we sell are not very comfortable. Now, maybe the traditional silk kimono robes, the shiromuku, would fit you comfort especially in the colder weather three months down the road."

Tuning out the talkative lady, Naruto's blue eyes caught Hinata's. She shrugged her shoulders in the slightest manner. No one would have caught it unless they were aware of the non-voiced conversation between the two nins.

Naruto's girly disguise scrunched her face just a little.

She gave a small smile. A small tilt of the head represented a nod of affirmation.

Ah.

So she agreed with him.

Hinata turned back to the talking Kushina. "It's a little too revealing for me, Namikaze-san."

"Uto-san?"

Turning back to the lady who had now pulled up a very, _very_ lacy dress for his eyes to examine, he almost hissed when seeing the thing.

"Uto-san, I'm sure this dress will definitely show off your _finer_ assets."

"Maybe something a little less… uh… whatever this is called?" asked Naruto pointing to the layers of lace.

The lady gave him a strange look before nodding. "Of course Uto-san. I'll be right back."

'Take your time, _please,_' uttered Naruto's mind. His blue eyes returned to Hinata as she stepped out of the dressing room.

His jaw dropped.

His mind went numb.

His hands became sweaty?

…And his disguise began to fizzle away.

So looked so… so beautiful in the white silk kimono—a kimono representing purity and gentleness.

Surely she'd get _those_ wedding clothes…

He saw Hinata's eyes widen in surprise.

And many heads turned in his direction.

"Sir? What are you doing here?"

Huh?

He turned to face the confused worker as she held up another dress. "Where's that blonde lady?"

"NARUTO!"

He looked down to his hands, his calloused man hands.

Oh snap.

RETREAT!

He dashed out the door as quickly as his two feet would take him.

"GET BACK HERE NARUTO!" shouted his mother chasing him down the road, "IF YOU WERE SPYING ON US, I SWEAR I'M GOING TO—"


	12. Challenge 10: Thunderstorm

_Disclaimer: Naruto and characters associated to this manga are creations of Masashi Kishimoto. This story and other ideas not associated with Naruto are mine, unless otherwise disclaimed. This fanfiction is written for entertainment purposes only._

AN: So… I decided to post this chapter first because I found it so appropriate for today. I'm waited out a Tropical Storm that is about 5 hours south from where I live, and we're got crazy winds and rain. It's not a thunderstorm… per say, but with all the rain it's close enough.

Thank you **Amaya Sakaruta** for giving me the review back at Challenge 24, "Icha Icha Paradise". Your comment/suggestion just screamed to be written. Yes, I do read ALL the reviews—no matter how lengthy they may be.

I hope you enjoy. :)

**

* * *

**

**Challenge 10: Thunderstorm (day 11)**

* * *

Lightning flashed.

Naruto's eyes snapped open.

Thunder crashed.

He looked around his bedroom cautiously sensing a presence.

Sitting up in his large bed, the son of the Hokage used each of his finite senses to find the invaders—

"OOPH!"

Falling back on the bed, he heard the groaning of his bed springs as a new weight added onto the large mattress. Naruto's blue eyes snapped open, his lungs struggling to breathe in oxygen. Did he feel a few ribs crack?

He saw the same big, red butt from some days back.

_'Not again,' _his mind whined as he desperately tried pushing off Jiraiya's rear from his chest.

The old man farted.

Naruto hissed, his left eye and body beginning to twitch—his nose threatening to fall off from the strong stench.

The Sannin glanced down at his godson and grinned deeply. "Hey Naruto!" greeted Jiraiya as his shifted his body around to the left; he soon faced the blond nin, legs straddling the young man, making the situation a little more awkward. Naruto desperately tried moving his head away from the old man's nasty crotch.

"G-get… o-ooff…"

"Why would I want to do that?" the godfather asked as he smirked, "Wouldn't want you running away like last time, now would I?"

"C-can-n-not b-bre-eathe."

"Aw, who says you need to breathe?" countered the Sannin turning to look out of the open window.

The rain was pouring down heavily. Thunder rumbled a few more times. A dark shadow appeared at the windowsill— it was an ANBU operative.

'_I'm saved!_'

"_C-can't breathe! G-ge-et off!"_ pleaded Naruto desperately hoping the ANBU would see the Hokage's son in distress. Then he could properly seal the house SHUT and keep Ero-sennin out!

As the guard leaped into the room, he dramatically took off his pale, ceramic mask.

"I see you're awake Naruto."

Kakashi.

"You're late," uttered the man with a long white mane.

The ANBU and teacher of Naruto sheepishly smiled, his eyes making the upside down U's. "Well, there was this drunk old lady who insisted I help her cross the street—"

Naruto dumbly stared back up to Jiraiya then to the right towards Kakashi. One and one slowly started to make sense…

NO!

Naruto began to wildly struggle. And if Jiraiya had another bad case of gas, he was just going to have to deal with it!

He felt his arms restrained; his head snapped to the side. Kakashi's cunning eyes told of all the tortures he would soon face. Lightning flashed again followed by a deep crash of thunder. "Why do you struggle so much?" taunted the student of the Yondaime.

Naruto glared at Kakashi.

"I don't trust you!"

"Oh?" questioned the lazy ANBU raising an eyebrow, "Well, I guess we need to fix that, don't we?"

Jiraiya looked down at his godson once more, a gleam in his eye. "So, which one should we choose for Naruto to listen too? We don't want him to be _inexperienced _when the wedding night comes."

"How about your newest one?" questioned Kakashi, a gleam in his eye.

"I think you're onto something."

He pulled out a yellow covered volume with a man and a woman making out.

_Oh no~o…_

"Icha Icha Solutions!"

Naruto's blue face became white as a sheet. If he knew better… this was Jiraiya's most 'risqué' of the series!

The blond desperately struggled, tears starting to fall down his eyes. "GET OFF! DAD! MOM! SOMEONE HELP M-u-mmm-em-emmmmm!"

"There. I think that gag should work for a while," affirmed Kakashi as he turned back up to the elder, "Please continue. I can't _wait_ to hear the book read!"

"Muuuuuuummmm! EMMMM!"

Jiraiya cleared his throat.

"_Chapter one:_ _A thunderstorm. It was the perfect time to show her everything he had in him. He would prove his skill, his charm, and the sacred dance of the old._

_"She gasped as his lips gently—"_

Naruto began to cry silent tears of revulsion as he tried tuning out the book. His eyes tightly closed as he tried willing himself to a quiet, 'happy' place.

A.k.a. the Kyuubi's cell.

He felt hot air blown on his ear.

He involuntarily shivered, his eyes snapping open and his stare of horror grander than ever. He saw Kakashi's gray eyes staring down at him, only inches away. "You don't want to miss the best part now, do you?"

As Jiraiya continued to read, Naruto continued his silent tears as he struggled to breathe under Jiraiya's weight.

Lightning flashed.

Naruto was ready to die.

Thunder crashed.

"_Not there!"_ said Jiraiya's voice in a higher imitation of the female character. It soon deepened into the male voice, "_But it'll feel so good…"_

The thunderstorm continued on.


	13. Challenge 35: Shinobi

_Disclaimer: Naruto and characters associated to this manga are creations of Masashi Kishimoto. This story and other ideas not associated with Naruto are mine, unless otherwise disclaimed. This fanfiction is written for entertainment purposes only._

AN: So I was originally going to upload **Challenge 21: BAKA!, **but then I realized this already written chapter would fit in much better with the scope and sequence of this story. I quickly wrote and edited the very ending of this chapter thanks to my overcoming of writers block. :) Woo! Hopefully school and work won't interfere when I try and update this story faster. It's been a very busy semester so far with driving to different schools, the university, and work.

Note- your encouragement in notes or reviews will help inspire me to continue writing. The more reviews I have, the faster I will update. Kapish?

* * *

**Challenge 35: Shinobi**

* * *

_Three days_.

Three _grueling_ days…

The jinchuuriki of Konohagakure slumped his head lower as he kicked a pebble across the road. After the stunt Ero-senin and his loyal follower pulled, he couldn't sleep—no, he couldn't even _think_ without a part of that rancid book plaguing his mind.

There was no way he was letting Hinata see him so disheveled…

He heard a soft tap before him. A shadow entered his downcast view before a gloved hand passed him a scroll. "The Hokage summons you to his office."

Reluctantly receiving the scroll, Naruto turned up to see the messenger. The man vanished in the wind—just like any good ANBU would do.

So, Naruto made his slow descent to his father's office. No doubt it was another one of the Yondaime's father-son "talks". He didn't even _want_ to hear his father speak about having _strong heirs_ or the responsibilities behind children. Was that all people ever cared about? Reproduction? Couldn't they give him some _useful_ information about how he could get along with Hinata better? He barely knew anything about her except for the recent time they've spent together at Ichiraku's or sparring on the training grounds.

Bleh.

What a mess.

Finally looking up from the ground, the son of the Hokage eyed the closed wooden door. He had no idea _how_ he got though the Hokage office without being distracted from his thoughts.

With a swift knock on the hard wood door, he waited for his father.

"Come in," called a muffled voice.

Pushing his way into the office, the younger man trudged to his father, a sulk deeply written on his face.

The Yondaime turned up from the recently finished form, only to raise an eyebrow. "Looks like you just ate some moldy ramen."

Yeah… so Naruto's cheerfulness was lacking today. In his mind, he pointed the blame at Jiraiya and Kakashi for stealing what innocence he had left.

Stupid white-haired perverts.

"We have a matter at hand Naruto," stated the Hokage folding his hands on the semi-clear desk space. "This is an urgent matter that must be discussed."

Oh?

The jinchuuriki instantly perked up, his eyes widening in surprise and his shoulders straightening. Was his dad sending him on a mission?

Was it too good to be true?

Especially with his only son's wedding eight days away?

"Did you read the scroll I gave you?" asked Minato nodding his head.

Naruto glanced at the small scroll in his hand, the mission scroll. He gave his father a toothy, sheepish smile. "Sorry dad. I was a bit distracted on the way up."

The Hokage's lips pressed together. "Maybe today isn't a good day to send you out on a mission for a shinobi of your creativeness and strong will—"

**"NO!** I'll take it!" shouted Naruto slapping his hands on the desk, his eyes wide—almost pleading. "Please let me take this mission!"

"You've been too distracted son," answered the Hokage, sitting back in his seat, "I don't think this would be a good mission for you—"

"I won't be distracted if I'm given a mission! I promise I will do it to the best of my abilities! Believe it!"

Minato frowned at his son, "What have I told you about saying 'believe it'?"

Naruto's eyes glanced to the side, a small wince forming, "It makes me sound like a broken record player…"

"And do we want a future Hokage to sound like a broken record player?"

Naruto's face turned bright red, "No sir."

The father nodded at his son in approval. "Good. Now, you must go to the Ninja Academy at once. You're expertise is needed there immediately."

Naruto paused, "Is there danger there?"

The Hokage paused, glancing to the side and contemplating his next carefully chosen words, "There could be if you don't hurry to your mission sight immediately."

"I'm on it!" shouted Naruto, dashing out of the office from the window.

* * *

Not ten minutes later, Naruto swore he heard scratching violins playing the theme from _Psycho._

_Eee Eee Eee Eee Eee Eee Eee!_

His blue orbs widened drastically as twenty sets of eyes stared at him... staring…

The violins got louder.

**_Eee Eee Eee Eee Eee Eee EEE!_**

Naruto sweat bullets. He felt so small as the eyes seemed to loom over him; the seconds crept on.

A loud scream was heard.

The entire classroom of four-year-old ninja's-in-training erupted into screams as they began rushing towards the blond jinchuuriki—crazed looks in their eyes as they approached him in leaps and bounds.

Naruto could have sworn he wet his pants as he watched the children jump towards him in slow motion.

"_Mommy…"_


	14. Challenge 50: Ramen

_Disclaimer: Naruto and characters associated to this manga are creations of Masashi Kishimoto. This story and other ideas not associated with Naruto are mine, unless otherwise disclaimed. This fanfiction is written for entertainment purposes only._

AN: Reviews? Please? :D? I'm going to try and update every day again until the story is complete.

**Challenge 50: Ramen (day 6)**

Hinata raised her small hand to her mouth as a giggle escaped her lips. Naruto, his ever-cheerful smile gracing his features, carefully picked up a clump of ramen noodles with chopsticks and fed them to her.

He watched as she savored the flavors with a smile.

His grin widened. "See? I told you this is the best flavor of ramen Teuchi makes!"

She nodded her head with a bright smile on her lips.

It was days like these that the young couple enjoyed— even if it was time spent eating junk food.

It was a beautiful afternoon.

No interruptions.

No training to be a 'fit' spouse.

No talking to fathers about the joys, concerns of marriage, or training to _care_ for children.

_Quiver._

No crazy mother threatening to castrate her only son for peaking in at a bridal gown fitting…

Yep. The day was perfect.

Almost _too_ perfect.

Almost like something was bound to happen at any time—

"Yo! Uzumaki!"

Naruto turned his blond head, his eyes scrunched in suspicion as he set down his chopsticks. His eyes widened in surprise.

"OBITO!"

The Uchiha laughed stepping towards the younger man and side hugged the son of his mentor. "Congratulations. I just heard the news." His dark eyes turned to the shy Hyuga. Obito grin widened, "Ah, and there is the lucky lady!" He patted her shoulder. "Couldn't be anyone better."

"Thanks Obito!" beamed Naruto, rubbing the back of his head. "When did you come back? I thought you'd be gone for at least another month!"

The man shrugged with a smirk on his lips, "Well, my team and I are just that awesome," he bragged straightening his shoulders with pride. "We hunted the missing nin, captured him, and locked him up. Sweet and simple."

"Wow… sounds easy."

"It was," nodded the Uchiha. He then snapped his fingers and began looking in a hidden pocket of his ANBU vest. He grinned as he pulled out a white paper packet. "Found it. Ah, Hyuga-san, may I steal away Naruto for a moment?"

She gave a small nod returning to her bowl of ramen.

The two briefly stepped out of the stand, Obito smiling the entire time, "You really lucked out Uzumaki. That girl has had her eye on you for some years."

Naruto grinned nervously, "Well, it was an opportunity I couldn't say no too."

_Literally._

Obito nodded with a smile as he handed the blond the package. "I wanted to give this to you."

"Oh? What is it?" he asked looking on the outside. There was a small kanji symbol on the bottom left of the packet: _woman._

"Think of it as an early wedding present," informed Obito, "It's an herb found in the Land of Waterfalls. I thought you might benefit from it. Ironically, Rin said it tastes like ramen, so you might want to slip just a pinch of it in a bowl of Hyuga-san's soup."

Naruto pocketed it quickly with a grin.

Surely anything this Uchiha gave him was truly to his benefit and safe for consumption. He was not anything like his other stuck-up Uchiha relatives.

"What is it for?"

"To increase your chances of having a child."

Naruto twitched.

Obito raised an eyebrow. "What?"

The jinchuuriki seethed, his body beginning to shake. The older ANBU almost took a step back.

_Almost._

"What's it with you and _everyone_ else wanting Hinata-chan and I to _have_ a baby?" fumed the blond, his face becoming red.

"Oh?" questioned the ANBU scratching the side of his cheek. "Well… the herb lady _also_ said this concoction kept women from getting all angry and moody during that time of the month—"

He instantly felt a tight hug, the air being knocked out of his lungs. His dark eyes glanced down to a weeping younger nin. There were no signs of his previous anger.

"Eh?"

A few civilians and shinobi blatantly stared as they walked on past the Uchiha and Uzumaki.

Naruto sniffled and cried into the man's ANBU uniform. After suffering and enduring so much pain from Sakura's fits of rage during that time of the month, this revelation made the young blond appreciate such a gift as this with much gusto—even if the side effect made his future wife more fertile...

"_Thank you! Thank you, thank you, THANKYOU!"_

Obito smiled, "Glad I could be of assistance."


	15. Challenge 21: BAKA!

_Disclaimer: Naruto and characters associated to this manga are creations of Masashi Kishimoto. This story and other ideas not associated with Naruto are mine, unless otherwise disclaimed. This fanfiction is written for entertainment purposes only._

Authors Note: True story. So I was driving home from school, which is about a 45 minute commute, and was listening to talk radio featuring some well known church pastors. This particular speaker was talking about how you should always ask questions. At that moment... BAM! Inspiration hit like a ton of bricks. So, the moral of the story is you can thank God for inspiring me to write this chapter using "The Question Game". :)

Enjoy.

**Challenge 21: BAKA!**

"What's your favorite color?"

"Why are you asking me that?"

"Why do you have to question my question?"

"Do you _really _want to know?"

Naruto raised an eyebrow, his left eye twitching. He sat at a wooden table resting rather uncomfortably on a long bench. His resort swirled in his head, "Do you want me to know why?"

Sasuke smirked, his lips curling the slightest as his dark eyes twinkled with mischief. "Why don't you prove it?"

"Is that a challenge?" sneered Naruto, his cerulean eyes flashing, his fist pounding heavily on the table.

"What do you think?"

There was a pause.

"Why are you guys fighting?"

Glancing to the left, the new observer, Haruno Sakura, tilted her head curiously. She eyed other onlookers to the best friend's "argument".

Of the small group, Hatake Kakashi, Hyuga Hinata, Hyuuga Neji, Tenten, Rock Lee Sai, and Uchiha Itachi acknowledged the presence of the newcomer. "Oi," stated Kakshi, "You are missing quite a spectacle."

"Yeah?"

"It's the 'Question Game'," added Tenten, her head nodding in agreement to Team Seven's former teacher, "Naruto-san and Sasuke-san have been playing for about five minutes."

Sakura raised an eyebrow, "Oh? And no one has lost yet?"

"Well…" cut in Rock Lee, his face burning with a slight blush, "There have been a few close calls. Sasuke-san is trying to win to prove he's better at this game than both Naruto-kun and Itachi-san."

"Huh." She turned back to the blond and man with hair of ebony. "Who's winning?"

"What do you mean by 'who's winning'?" asked Naruto, a triumphant smile lingering on his lips.

"Why do you have to be such a dobe?"

"Why do you have to be such a teme?"

Sasuke snorted, his fingers curling together in a contemplative gesture. His piercing eyes still focused on his long-time teammate.

"Can't you get a life?"

Naruto paused.

What to ask… what to ask, what to ask-

The whiskers on his cheeks began rising as a wicked smile curled onto his features.

It was time for the kill.

"Why haven't you proposed to Sakura-chan yet?"

A pin could have been heard dropping on the floor from the other side of the restaurant.

The younger Uchiha's neck began turning the darkest shade of red earthly possible.

Humming at the corner of the table, Itachi's voice (or hum) was heard by everyone in the near vicinity.

To Naruto's displeasure, he hummed the Death March.

"Haven't you already had sex with Hinata yet?" smirked Sasuke, a last attempt at getting his comrade-in-arms to shout something obscene, thus, losing this competition.

Naruto's jaw fell to the table, his eyes turning into wide circles.

Playing dirty were they? Two could play at THAT game!

"Why haven't you already knocked up Sakura-chan with all the "lovey-dovey" stuff you two have been doing?"

A bench screeched against the stone floors as it abruptly scooted back.

Naruto, about to bolt out of room, calculated how quickly he needed to leave before Sasuke would gab him and strangled him.

He missed one HUGE detail.

He felt his face make a solid impact with something hard—harder than steel. His body flew into a wall, his skull cracked, and the right side of his jaw shattered. His nose began bleeding profusely as it was painfully broken, cartilage out of place.

Sakura hissed in fury, Inner Sakura taking over. Her fist was curled tightly and poised in the air just as it had been when it contacted with Naruto's fragile bones. "BAKA!" she shouted loudly.


End file.
